15. Parenting Without a Map: Finding the Balance Between Too Much and Not Enough.

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The parenting handbook.
A well-intentioned idea, but ultimately… pointless.

Why? Because by the time you need to read it, you’re too deep in the trenches to flick through a chapter titled “How to Handle a Toddler Tantrum at 3am.”
When you first decide to become a parent, you dive into books about nutrition, sleep routines, baby gear, and how to bounce back post-birth.
But the one thing most forget to read up on, how to be a parent, is often left untouched.
If you’re lucky, someone along the way gives you a bit of guidance. Most of us aren’t that lucky.

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Scenario 1: One Child, One Parent

The parent becomes consumed by guilt.
Guilt for the absence of the other parent.
Guilt for not being able to provide everything.
And so, they overcompensate.
They work harder, give more, provide endlessly, filling every gap, but forgetting to nurture the actual child in front of them.

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Scenario 2: Two Children, One Parent

Now the parent is not only the provider but also the referee.
Constantly resolving squabbles, splitting time, playing both mum and dad.
You live in a state of constant juggling, trying to be just, trying to be fair.
Exhausting. And worst of all, with no clear end in sight.

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So what’s the answer?
Do we stop trying to fill the role of the absent parent and let our child do without?
Some would say yes, that it builds resilience.
Others might say to love them even more, to cuddle them close and shield them from the gap.

Is there a middle ground? And if there is, how do we find it?

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Let’s explore a few parenting styles:

• Authoritarian: Low warmth, high rules. Discipline comes through shame and threats.
• Permissive: All warmth, no structure. Love is given, but boundaries are non-existent.
• Uninvolved: No warmth, no rules. A parent in title only.

I’d like to think I don’t fall fully into any of those categories.
But if I’m honest, I touch all of them at times.
Because parenting doesn’t come with presets.
And depending on the day, the mood, the struggle, I shift.
Sometimes too strict.
Sometimes too soft.
Sometimes… just plain tired.

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So, here’s the question I leave with you:
What kind of parent do you want to be?
And more importantly, what kind of parent are you?